Harry Potter Eats A Bear
by NRG99
Summary: Funny story with animals and harry potter getting killed for random reasons. So whenever you want to see harry potter die before your very eyes read this story. Complete.
1. The Polar Bear

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

One day Harry Potter came in the arctic with a newspaper, eating an apple and playing with the Wii. I do not know how the heck he did it, but he did it. He sees a polar bear. He says: Hello polar bear!  
>But it was not a real polar bear. It was Voldemort! So he kills Harry Potter.<br>THE END  
>Teehee!<p> 


	2. I am not a meal!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 2: Kill 'em all!

Another day Harry Potter went into the Antarctic. He carried with him a water pistol! I do not know why he did it but he did it. But he's an idiot. Not my fault. He sees a penguin. He says: Hello Mr. Dolphin. I'm Harrie Potter and you're a seal!

The penguin / dolphin / seal / polar bear / something like that said: No I'm not your meal! So the penguin / dolphin / seal / polar bear / something like that killed Harry Potter. Afterwards Voldemort killed penguin / dolphin / seal / polar bear / something like that to make this story interresting.

THE END

Teehee

MARIO TIME!

WTF!


	3. Gandalf forever! Who's he?

Harry Potter and Polar Bear  
>Chapter 3: Lord Voldemort (again)<p>

One night Harry Potter came to the desert. He took a spoon. I do not know why he did that but he's an idiot. Not my fault! He sees a snake with a magic wand. Then the snake commanded: You shall not pass! The snake thinks he's Gandalf for some absurd reason. NO! Not true! He's being controlled by Lord Voldemort ... who is dressed like Mario for some absurd reason.  
>The snake points a pistol to Harry's Head, but Harry took an "A hard, black, realistic but not a real gun" and pointed at the head of the snake.<br>BING! BANG! BOOM! BLAH! BAD BOY! BOWSER! WAIT WTF! Who Said That!  
>It was Lord Voldemort.<br>BANG!  
>Now he's dead.<br>Who killed him? The world may never know!  
>Spoiler!<br>It was Barry Trotter!  
>THE END<br>Teehee

Wait who the heck is Barry Trotter?


	4. Bellatrix Lestrangle

A/U: This is chapter is number 5 in the French version but I'm making it 4 on this because the main joke in chapter 4 in the French version doesn't work so well in English. I'm working on a chapter 6, 7 and 8 for the French version now so those will come in the English version as 5, 6 and 7. So see ya tomorrow.

-AWSM

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
>Chapter 5: The Curse of Bellatrix Lestrangle<br>One day Harry came in into the club HPFNFN. But there's no D-J. So he left. But in the front door he saw Bellatrix Lestrangle  
>"You will die! "She screams.<br>"I won't die. "Harry said, but Bellatrix isn't listening... instead she's trying to touch her eye with her tongue, picking her nose, whilst filming it. Disgusting.  
>Harry Potter calls his friend Darth Vader. Darth Vader strangles Bellatrix Lestrangle.<br>The End  
>Psyche!<br>To be continued...

Actually,

Not really...


	5. Demonic Smurfs

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
>Chapter 7: The demonic smurfs<br>One day in a village of mushroom, there were demonic smurfs and they wanted to kill Harry Potter because he said that "Your Favorite Martian Music" is gay.  
>And they killed him with bazookas.<br>And they took his head and it was burned as a sacrifice to the god of fire.


	6. I don't wanna die!

Thank you for 1000 hits on my story so I'll show you a preview of a story I'm working on called Bloodlust about Fenrir Greyback. Read on.  
>-AWSM<p>

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
>Chapter 7: I don't want to die!<br>One day Harry Potter came in a cemetery reading a newspaper, listening to "Your Favorite Martian Music" eating a pear and making FanFiction. He sees a zombie. He says: Hello Mr. Zombie.  
>But it was not a real zombie. It was Voldemort. So he spanked him with a chainsaw.<p> 


	7. Big Ass Guns

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
>Chapter 8: Can I kill you?<p>

One day Harry Potter came in a school. There were a lot of kindergarteners with big ass machine guns.  
>BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!<br>Now he has seventeen bullet holes in his head.  
>The End<p> 


	8. Ice Cream Clones!

Sorry that I haven't posted as much as I've wanted to but my dad killed the internet for like the past five days.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 8: The Return of Barry Trotter (And Cones?)

Harry Potter once was watching some stupid bs on the TV when Hevy came up and shot Harry in the head multiple times with a barrel gun. Then Barry Trotter pulled out his heart and ate it.


	9. Holy Snitch

This story is my little sister's idea.

-AWSM

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 9: Holy Snitch!

One day Harry Potter was on a plane when some one gave him a golden object. He thought it was a snitch, so he put it to his mouth and licked it. But it wasn't a snitch, it was a grenade colored in gold paint.

Boom!

Harry's intestines were painted all over the plane.


	10. It's time to go Harry!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 10: It's Harry Time!

One day Harry Potter came into a forest. Then he saw a shooting star which landed in the middle of the forest.

But the meteor was actually a capsule. Then it opened. Inside there was... An Ultimatrix!

Then Vilgax apeared next to the asteroid. He challanged Harry to give him the Ultimattrix but Harry was licking, so he shot a laser through his head. Harry's brain spilled out of his head.


	11. I Can Haz Textin

Yo 'sup. I mostly wrote this as a reunion of the characters.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 11: I Can Haz Textin?

1 dai Harry Potter wuz textin on hisz fone wen Barry Trotter kam in & shot him thru hiz hert. Butt he kept on textin. So Vader chokd him. Butt he kept on textin. Ten som kindrgrtnrs kam & shot him som mor. Butt he kept on textin. Ten Voldemort skreemd Avadra Kedavra! Butt he kept on textin. Ten hiz fone battry died & Harry Potter died of greif & krashd hiz kar.


	12. Frick or Cheat

Yo 'sup. this is a Christmas Special! :P

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 12: Frick or Cheat

One Halloween afternoon Harry was dreesed up like a dinasour whitch had a big resemblence to Frosty the Fuckin' Snowman. He opened a door and saw Voldemort.

"Trick or Treat!" Harry said.

"Trick." Voldemort said shooting him in the face.

Later on a kid found Harry's candy wich tasted like blood for some absurd reason. "Not So! I lie Oba-Wan!" "WTF get the fuck of the set, Guerra you motherfucking bastard. Jeez I hate it when he does that!"

The End

"Not So!" :P

"YOU CERTIFIABLE ASSHOLE!"


	13. BAD LUCK :P

Thanks for over 1,500 hits on my stories

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 13: Thirteenth time luck

One day Harry Potter was in New York. His car was stolen so he said. "Taxi!"

Then a black and yellow monster truck ran him over. All that was left of Harry Potter was a pile of blood.

The car's license plate said 1-800-EAT-MY-SHIT

"Not So!"

"I thought I killed you Geurra you fat motherfucker!"


	14. TGIF

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 14: T.G.I.F

One day, in a grassy meadow, Ron Weasely came up to Harry Potter and said. "Its Friday..."

"Thank God!"

"The thirteenth."

"Oh Fuck!"

Then a piano smashed Harry Potter into the mud.


	15. Dumbledore has an obsession with guns

A/N: Yo 'sup. Man it's been a long time, I mean 15 chapters, 16 days. It's been a fun and a crazy time and to think the whole story was a joke with my freinds then they dared me to post it. Now I have almost 1,500 on all three versions. So I'd like to thank you all. Thanks to BoxOfScraps for Frosty the Fuckin' Snowman. So just keep on reading and keep on keepin'on. Oh yeah, just don't hump any sheep.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 15: Dumbledore has a weird obsession with guns

One day Harry Potter was in the potions class and gave his orange soda that he had made to the Potions Master, Proffesor Snape. So he drank it but spit out screaming. "This is the worst stuff I've ever tasted." Then he pulled out his wand and screamed. "Avada Kedavra!" Harry landed eagle spread on the floor. Then Dumbledore kicked down the door and pulled out a barrel gun. "You killed Harry Poter! Die!" And then he fired. Snape slumped on the back of his chair. Dumbledore kept on firing though, he was aiming at the ceiling. Then it fell and squashed him. Then Frosty the Fuckin' Snowman started breakdansing over Dumbledore's body. He came out red.

The End

"Wow! My Favorite Storie!"

"Geurra, for the first time yhour talking sense."

"Not So! :P"

"Suck Laser You Fatherfucking Asshole!"

"Whatsa thatsa, Fatherfucking? Thatsa notsa asa swearsa wordsa thatsa mesa knowsa."

"No. Not Jar Jar Binks. Please No. Not him." (sobs)


	16. Jar Jar is Physco!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 16: JAR JAR IS PHSYCO!

One day Harry Potter went into a swamp and saw Jar Jar. He said. "Wassup, you motherfucka!"

Jar Jar got real pissed off and stabbed him in the stomach with his spear. Then he twirled the spear around and pulled it out.

Later at dinner, all the Gungans could've sworn that their hot dogs à la Jar Jar tasted really weird.


	17. SHPFIAW

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 17: S.H.P.F.I.A.W

One day Barry Trotter came up to Harry Potter and asked him. "Do you want to play S.H.P.F.I.A.W?"

"What's that?"

"It stands for: Smash Harry Potter's Face Into A Wall." Barry Potter explained. Then he smashed Harry Potter's face into the wall leaving a big red stain.


	18. Peter Petticaot

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 18: Peter Petticoat

One night Harry Potter and Cedric Dickery went into a graveyard. Peter Petticoat shot Harry Potter three times in the back. Then Cedric Dickery turned around and asked. "What are you, Peter Petticoat, a man or a mouse?"

"Technically I'm both."

"Oh, go to hell. Avada Kedavra!"


	19. Xmas!

Harry Potter and Polar Bear

Chapter 19: Christmas

Christmas Day has arrived. Harry Potter opened a package. "Look, I have a train."

After Voldemort opened a package. "Look I got a machine gun!"

"Cool, how does it work?"

"Like this." Voldemort said filling Harry Potter with 100 bullet holes.


	20. Unkle Scrooge is back!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 20: Unkle Scrooge is back!

One day Harry potter went into a bank. Then he saw Unkle Scrooge and said. "Ugly old man alert!"

Then Unkle Scrooge took a machine gun loaded it with penis the shot him dead.

Then he paid a dude 4 million dollars to clean the coins. The coins ended up adding up to 2 dollars.


	21. Yo mamma

A/N: Yo 'sup. Credit goes to my sister. (My older sister, Leife Black is her author name) for the best yo mamma I've heard. (The first one) Which is your favorite or have heard any of these before. Oh yeah, tell me if you know some. Please review. AWSM out.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 21: Yo mamma

One day Harry Potter went up to Ron Weasely and said.

"Yo mamma's so fat she went out with high heels and came bock with flip flops."

"Well, yo mamma's so fat when she walks past the TV, you miss ten episodes."

"Yo mamma's so big she went to a water bed shop and they gave her an ocean."

"Yo mamma's so stupid she stalks your dad."

"Yo mamma's so stupid she sits on the TV and watches the couch."

"Yo mamma's so ugly she sticks her head out the window and gets arrested for mooning people."

"Yo mamma's so fat when she walks on the beach and the whales see her they come up to the beach and start singing, We are family even though you're fatter than me."

"Well...ugh...Yo mamma's so fat when she walks out with a red dress all the kids come up to her and say, Hey Koolaid!"

"Seriously, I thinks it's time to unleash the secret weapon. Yo mamma's so stupid when she went to Idaho!"

"Damn you!" Ron Weasely said stabbing Harry Potter in the chest with a meat knife.

The End


	22. Sniper Rifles

A / N: This story is almost a copy of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollow Points" but I added a new ending.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
>Chapter 14: Sniper Rifles<p>

One day Harry Potter came into a forest. Then Voldemort asked. "Why do you live? "  
>"Because I have friends ..."<br>"And? "  
>"... With sniper rifles. "<br>But suddenly there was a gun shot and then Harry Potter's lifeless body thumped against the forest floor.  
>"Yeah, but they're on <span><strong>my<strong> payroll."


	23. Mudafuckas

A/N: This is pretty much a promotian of a story I'm writing.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 23: Fuck ya!

One day Harry Potter was sitting around and then Hevy came up to him and said. "Die you mudafucka!"

Then Harry Potter shot him in the face.

"Wassup dude?" someone said behind Harry Potter.

Harry Potter turned and said. "Who are you?"

"I'm Pack, a clone trooper, and guess what?"

"What?"

"My Jedi General Lunar-sen is right behind you."

"wäit, what the..." His sentence was cut off as a blue light saber erupted out of his chest. Then his body fell lifeless to the floor.

The End

A/N: okay that was pretty much it, I'll have a another preview as a short story in the next two weeks and the story will come at somepoint in February so stay tuned. Oh yeah it's being confermed here that I will make 366 chapters of Harry Potter eats a bear, one for every day of the year.


	24. Indiana Douche

A/N: So I'm writing a few extra stories than I'm supposed to today çuz my mom anounced yesterday at dinner that were going to greece for the whole tewo weeks we get for easter.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 24: Indiana Jones

One day Harry Potter went into Péru and saw Indiana Jones. He went up to him. He seemed like he'd been running really fast. Then Harry Potter said. "Hey, Indiana Jones do you want to buy Deathstick?"

"Uh... no, duh!"

"Fine then. Oh shit!"

Then a big boulder squashed into a pool of blood.

The End


	25. Mario  Asshole

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 25: Mario! :0

One day Harry Potter wound up in a different world. There he saw a weird-ass looking guy with a red hat.

"Hi-a It's-a me-a, Mario!"

Then Harry Potter kicked the little weirdo into a black hole.

"Thank god, that's over with!"

"It's-a me-a again!"

"Oh shit!" (sobs)

Then Mario chucked a fireball at Harry Potter and it burned him into a lump of coal.


	26. Champagne Showers

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 26: Chanpagne Showers

One day Harry Potter went into a club and grabbed a bottle and started to sing.

"Snake that bottle and make it... pop! Aaaaaaaah; my eye. The cork is in it! Take me out of my misery!"

Bang!

Ron Weasley's pistol started to smoke as Harry Potter's lifeless body hit the floor.

60 years later in heaven...

"Went I said take me out of my misery, I meant to take the effing cork out of my eye, not kill me, goddamn it!"

"Wahtev's"


	27. ZOMBILLIES!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 27: _ZOMBILLIES_!

One day Harry Potter went into a farm and saw some _**ZOMBILLIES**_.

"Yo 'sup you red-neck mudafucka's? No wait… I didn't mean it… Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Later…

"So… what happened to you again?"

"Some _**ZOMBILLIES**_ ate my face off."

"Well, ya duh, Captain Obvious."

"Oh, shut up!"


	28. Just Kidding!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 28: Jokes

One day Harry Potter went up to Voldemort and said. "Hey do you wanna hear a joke?"

"O.K"

"So… How many weasleys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"Well, I don't know?"

"They don't screw in a lightbulb, they screw in the Burrow!"

"…"

"You didn't find that funny did you?"

"_**Avada Kedavra!"**_

The End


	29. Oliver Wouldhave

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 29: Oliver Would-have

One day Harry Potter went into a Quididtch field. There he saw Oliver Wood.

"Hey Oliver Wood!"

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"Woah, what's wrong Oliver Wood?"

"That's just it! My name isn't Oliver Wood! It's Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it Jr.!"

"I'm sorry I didn't follow."

"My name is Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it Jr.!"

"Oh! So your name is Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it."

"No you goddamned idiot! My FATHER is Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it! I'm Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it Jr.!"

"Dude, just shut up!"

"Hell no I won't! The world must know that my name is…"

Bang!

"Wait my name isn't Bang, it's Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it Jr.! Oh. Wait, you shot me didn't you?"

"Yes."

"And I'm Supposed to die about now, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay." (dies)

The End

Teehee!

"Wow. I haven't seen in a long time."

"And the same with you, Guerra."

"You're Right! Let's have a welcoming back ritual in which I shoot you!"

"Yah, that's a great idea…"


	30. The Return of the Demonic Smurfs

A/N: The smurf that kills harry is Jokey smurf but changed to joker smurf for thze joke

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 30: The Return of the Demonic Smurfs

One day Harry Potter went into a forest and accidentally smashed a mushroom with his foot. Then a little blue guy came up to Harry Potter and yelled.

"Hey. Watch it you big fatty!"

"Wha? I don't understand you, you freaky-ass blue midget."

"Then understand this!"

Then the Smurf took a bazooka and blew Harry Potter up.

Later…

"Joker Smurf, why did you kill that guy?"

"…"

"Dude, why?"

"Why…"

"Dude are you sane?"

"Why?"

"O.K now your freaking me out."

"Why so serious?"

"!"

The End

Teehee


	31. In Soviet Russia…

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 31: In Soviet Russia…

One day Harry Potter went up to Hermione Granger. She was standing nexta boy. She said. "Hi Harry, this is Viktor Krum. Viktor Krum say hi to Harry."

"In Soviet Russia cow poo you!"

"WTF!"

"Viktor that was not very nice. Say you're sorry."

"In Soviet Russia Hermione kill you."

"Yah…"

"It's okay Harry I won't kill you."

"No, In Soviet Russia Hermione_**,**_ kill you!"

Then he stabbed Hermione with a spear.

"Viktor why the fuck did you just kill Hermione?"

"In Soviet Russia cow poo you!"

Then he stabbed Harry Potter.

The End

Teehee!


	32. Holy Snap!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 32: Holy Snap

One day Harry Potter went up to Voldemort and asked him.

"Do you want to hear another joke?"

"O.K."

"What did you get when you mix a weasley with a Flamenco dancer?"

"I don't know?"

"Ginger Snaps!"

"…"

I know, I know…" Harry Potter said and put his wand to his head and said. "Avada Kedavra!"


	33. Mrs Leery

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 33: Mrs. Leery

Mrs Leery: "Late last night when we were all in bed, Mrs Leery put a lantern in the shed, when the cow kicked it over she winked her eye and said:"

Harry Potter: "WTF is going on over here?"

Mrs Leery: "Harry Potter!"

Dumbledore: "Wait that's my line!" (Kicks Mrs. Leery aside) "Harry Potter! Harry Potter!"

Snape: "Snape, Snape, Severus Snape."

Dumbledore 2: "Dumbledore!"

Harry: "Wait there's _**two**_ of you?"

Dumbledore 3: "Transformers, beeyatches in disguise!"

Megatron: "You shall not live for that comment!"

Gandalf: "And you shall not pass too!"

Harry Potter: "The Pincers!"

Vilgax: "I am..."

Snape: "We don't want to hear it!" (shoots Vilgax)

Anakin Skywalker: "Pass auf Ahsoka!"

Ron Weasley: "Dude, STFU!"

Rudolphs Mamma: "And den day eat da poopoo!"

Viktor Krum: "No, In Soviet Russia, cow poo you!"

Mrs. Leery: "Okay I've had enough of this!"

Harry Potter: "Wait, what the fuck..."

Booooooom!

The End

A/N: I'll be takin a break to work on my other stories but I will be posting again on sunday. Ti-Ti for now, Ta-Ta for then.


	34. Holy Fawkes!

A/N: So my sis asked who's that talking after The End? Well his name is The Sniper-Wiper-Griper-Viper and he's preety much the narrator.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 34: Holy Fawkes!

One day Harry Potter went into the Chamber of Secrets and saw Tom Riddle.

Tom Riddle then commanded the Basalisk to kill Harry Potter, but Harry Potter said. "You can't kill me for I am Gryffondor and my house's sword will defeat your basalisk."

Later...

"I'm Waiting!"

"Geez dude, a bird can take a crap once in a while can't he?"

"Ugh... No, duh!"

"Damn you."Fawkes said dropping Godric Gryffondor's sword on Harry Potter's head.

The End

Teehee!

"Tea time!"

"Dude, shut up!"

"Never... say Never!"

"Ugh!" (Facepalm)


	35. Duck!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 35: Duck!

One day Harry Potter went to a room then someone said. "Duck!"

So Harry Potter ducked. But nothing came. He said. "It must have been the wind."

Then he heard. "Goose!"

Harry Potter ducked but when nothing came he was slightly mad.

Then he heard. "Chicken!"

Harry Potter ducked but when nothing came this time he was really pissed off. "O.K that's it, the next time he says something I won't give him the pleasure of ducking!"

Then the voice said. "Stapler!"

But Harry Potter didn't duck and said. "Ha! I'm no idiot! I won't duck!"

Then a stapler stapled itself into Harry Potter's forehead.

The End

Teehee!


	36. Bombad Dorken

A/N: Sorry but I forgot to mention this on my latest chapter that I was taking a break and now this is Season 2 of H.P.E.A.B. So now I'll be posting more frequently.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 36: Bombad Dorken

One day Stone and Jar Jar Binks were in a field. Jar Jar Binks had some binoculars. He said. "Hey Looksa there are somea Bombad Dorken!"

"Give me those!" Stone said taking the binoculars from Jar Jar Binks. He looked through them and said. "Holy Shit! Your wright! That is a Bombad Dorken! I mean it's Harry Potter goddamn it! Fire all cannons at that bitch now!"

The cannon fired and blasted Harry Potter into little bits.

The End

Teehee!


	37. Dino Yacht Club

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 37: Dino Yacht Club

One day Harry Potter went onto a yacht. (How the heck he got onto it, don't ask) Then he heard music. "Dino Yacht Club!"

"WTF!"

"Dino Yacht Club!"

"Man this is getting really weird."

"Dino Yacht Clu-u-u-ub!"

"This is so lame. I'm outta here."

"Dino Yacht Club!" Then a yellow velociraptor claw smashed Harry Potter into a pool of blood.


	38. I'm da bomb!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 38: I'm da bomb!

One day Harry Potter was dancing in singing in an abanded dance club. "Bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-boop-bip-bip-bip-bip-bibibibip."

Then he heard at the same time. "Bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-biip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip."

"Stupid pipe bomb, you're ruining my song!"

Boom!

The End

Teehee!


	39. Why I Like Sniper Rifles

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 39: Why I Like Sniper Rifles

One day Harry Potter was walking in the forest alone when he saw something fly above him. He said. "Hello Oliver Wood!"

"My name isn't Oliver Wood, it's Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it Jr.!"

"Phsaw! Whatev's." Harry Potter said waving Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it Jr. aside with his hand in a whatever sign.

"I will not stop until everyone knows my name! My name is Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it Jr.! And that's my name… so don't wear it out!"

"Dude Greenday is cool when you're not ruining it. When they sing their songs, their songs rock. But when you sing them they're lame!"

"I am not lame! I am Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it Jr.! I am tottaly not lame!"

"Just STFU!" Harry Potter said sniping Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it Jr. in the stomach.

Harry Potter then turned around only to see a sniper rifle barrel cocked and loaded at the front of his face. Then he saw the man who was holding the gun. Harry Potter swallowed and said. "He… hello Mr. Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it."

But Oliver Would-have-done-it-but-I-didn't-exactly-feel-like-plus-I-really-didn't-have-any-time-but-thinking-back-on-it-I-really-should-have-done-it-and-now-I-regret-it was without mercy.

He shot the rifle and blew Harry Potter face off.

The End

Teehee!

"I'm sexy and I know it."

0.0


	40. Freddiew

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 40: Another day in the life of a machine gun

One day Harry Potter went into a Store when he met Voldemort. He said. "Hi Voldemort. Wassup?"

But Voldemort just stood there and said. "Cereal Killer."

"What the Fuck?" Harry Potter said, then he turned around and saw somebody. "Oh My God! It's Fredview!"

Then Fredview took a gun and shot Harry Potter seven times in the stomach.

The End

Teehee! \/


	41. The Curse of WTF Boom

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 41: The Curse of WTF Boom

One day Harry Potter went into a castle and saw Draco Malfoy. He said. "'Sup Draco."

Then Draco Malfoy started singing. "Money, money, money. Must be funny, ina rich man's world. Like me!"

"What the fuck?"

Boooooooom!

An explosion sent Harry Potter flying. "What the fuck was…"

Boooooooom!

"…that. Jeez what's going on around here?"

"Hi."

"Who said that?"

"Me! I'm WTF Boom!"

"What the fuck?"

Boooooooom!

"Come on. Not again."

"Sorry but it's my nature. You say WTF and I blow up."

"Whatever. You know what I'm leaving now."

"Harry Potter wait! I have one last question."

"What the fuck do you want!"

"Teehee!"

"Damn it!"

The End

Teehee!


	42. Opposite Day

A/N: Taking a trip into the past here. Hope you enjoy.

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
>Chapter 42: Opposite Day!<p>

One day Harry Potter came into a forest whilst eating a pear, while reading a book and playing a PS3. Then, he saw Voldemort and he said. "'Sup Voldey!"  
>But it wasn't Voldemort it was a Polar Bear, so he killed Harry Potter.<br>The End  
>Teehee!<p> 


	43. 2012

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 43: 2012

One day Harry Potter came running into Ron Weasley's Room.

"Its 2012!"

"Yes, I know."

"Were all going die!" Harry Potter Screamed shaking Ron by his shoulders.

"WTF, Get the hell off me!" Ron said kicking Harry Potter in the balls, who then went howl in pain, and walk slowly backwards. Then he fell out of Ron's open window.

The End

Teehee!


	44. The Arches Of Hell

A/N: this is a message for people that go to McDonalds three times each week!

Badabububum, I'm lovin' it!

Shut up!

Copyright!

Damn you!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 44: The Arches of Hell

One day Harry Potter went to hell. He saw the arches of the entrance to hell and his eyes lit up. He went up to the devil whom was sitting between the arches and told the devil "A BigMac, an order of french fries and a strawberry milkshake!"

"What the fuck!"

"Yeah, I know… strawberry milkshakes taste horrible. You know what; in fact I'll have a chocolate milkshake."

"No that's not what I meant! This isn't McDonalds!"

"Dude… I'm waiting… oh, yeah while you're at it; make that a triple order of fries."

"Kid, I'm telling you one last time. This is not a McDonalds!"

"Yes it is."

"Since when?"

Since I said it was."

"What the fuck, dude."

"You know as they say; the costumers always right. And now get me my happy meal and make it snappy!"

"I would tell you to go to hell, if we weren't already in it!"

"I'm waiting!"

"Damn You!"

"Phsaw! Whatever!" harry potter said flipping the devil the middle finger.

Then a shadow loomed over Harry Potter.

"What the hell…"

Harry Potter said looking at a three headed dog. Then Fluffy swallowed Harry Potter alive.

The End

Teehee!


	45. Sey lah bum!

A/N: Note; Embo speaks badly eunenciated shtroumpf.

Hé, reygadey! Chsuiz Ohshi l'ouurz!

Shut up!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 45: Sey lah bum!

One day Harry Potter was jumping on a pogo stick when he saw Embo.

Embo said. "Sey ke leh shtoump shtoumpage, maek! Bous etx daz uhn chom doh' shtoump! "

"What the fuck...! "

At that point, Harry Potter jumped on a mine.

Boom!

Then, Harry Potter landed on the ground twenty meters away. Then the pogo stick landed in Harry Potter's head, killing him instantley.

"Bahturd!" Embo mumbled as he walked away.

The End!

Teeehee!


	46. Ramses the Burp

Hey, why did the painter stop painting the pyramid when it was a cloudy day?

'Cuz he didn't see the point!

Shut up!

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 46: Don't smoke!

One day Harry Potter went into a pyramid. There he saw a sign that said. "This a smoke free zone."

"Phsaw! Whatevs'!" Then Harry Potter lit a cigarette, but before he could put it to his mouth something started choking him. "Holy Shit!"

"One does not smoke in the presence of Ramses the Burp!" Then he snapped Harry Potter's neck.

The End!

Teehee!


	47. Killer Shuriken

A/N: So guys I'm just putting this out here. I'm continuing Harry Potter eats a bear English! "Fuck you!" Shut the fuck up Geurra! But anyways, I've changed the name to "Harry Potter Eats A Bear", but otherwise, I, The Sniper-Wiper-Griper-Viper am starting a story on Fictionpress called "Randomness!" and it's pretty much what the name says, just random shit. Well, anyways, peace out, chillax, R&R and have a nice February vacation!

"I'm a ninja! Hi-hoo-ha!"

"Shut up!"

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 48: Killer Shuriken

One day Harry Potter went into a room eating a banana. On a table he saw a shuriken. He picked it up. On it there was writing. "You're doomed, Harry Potter!" harrx Potter read.

"Phsaw, whatever!" Harry Potter said turning around. Then all of a sudden something cut his banana in half. "Holy Shit!" Then a shuriken impaled itself into Harry Potter's eye. "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Fuck, that hurts!" Then another shuriken impaled itself into Harry Potter's other eye. "Oh my fucking god!" Then another shuriken impaled itself in his mouth. "Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Make it stop!" Then a fourth Shuriken impaled itself into Harry potter's neck killing him instantly.

The End!

Teehee!


	48. The Return of Gaddafi

A/N: I'm Back! Sorry for the not updating in like forever but I had to study for my exams… Which still have to come. But once that's over, I can post more chapters! Yay!

-AWSM

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear  
>Chapter 49: The return of Ghaddafi<p>

One day Harry Potter went into a desert, when he saw a dead body. "What in the world is this? The corpse of George W. Bush?"  
>"Do not confuse me with an American!" Shouted the corpse.<br>"What the…"  
>But he had no time to finish because the corpse Gaddaffi took an ax and severed the head of Harry Potter.<br>After Gaddapipi tore off his mask. It was really Voldemort.  
>But then Voldemort ripped off his mask. Turns out it was GGgaaddaafffii all along.<br>the End  
>Teehee!<p> 


	49. Idiot

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 49: Idiot

One day Harry Potter was playing video games when Ron came into the room.

"Hey, Harry! Look what I found!"

"That's nice."

"You're not even looking at it."

"Describe to me."

"Well, it's grey, looks like a pineapple and there's smoke coming out of it."

"Good, now go scurry along and go play with your hand grenade and leave me alone, because I'm trying to save Princess… Peach…?"

Harry Potter got up and wrestled the hand grenade out of Ron's hands and yelled. "What the hell are you doing with a freaking hand grenade!"

Ron then broke into tears.

"You're mean Harry!"

"God! Sometimes I even wonder why I even try saving your life! You're such an idiot!"

!


	50. Fred & George

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 50: Fred & George

One day Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger went into a shop, where they see Fred and George Weasley. Fred and George announced.

"Welcome to Weasley Wizardly Wheezes!"

"…"

"Oh, come on! Here Ron take a rabbit pill!" Fred said throwing Ron a little pill.

"What? Does it make me a rabbit?"

"Um… can I say, DUH, with a capital D!"

"Cool!" Ron said swallowing the pill. All of a sudden Ron started foaming at the mouth and fell to the floor twitching.

"Oh shit!" Fred said to George. "Did I _accidently _give him the **rabid** pill?"

"You're fucking monsters!" Screamed Hermione.

"Actually we're twins and here, don't say fuck, use something else." George said tossing a red book to Hermione.

"_Other words of really bad words_" Hermione read the title of the book. She opened it to the page 'Fuck' and continued reading. "Frick, Fudge, Cornelieus Fudge, Firetruck… and I Like Trains? Wha…"

Her sentence was cut off as a white train ran her over.

The little drawn kid leaning out of the train flipped his middle finger at Harry Potter and shouted at him as the train sped through Weasley's Wizardly Wheezes. "Take that, Bitch!"

"You guys are so stupid!"

"Shut up Harry!"

"I'm leaving!" Harry Potter said opening the door.

"I wouldn't do that!"

"Why not!" Cuz' there's an arrow trap connected to the door."

"What the fuck!" Then Harry Potter was shot in the neck by an arrow.

"How did you get that arrow trap Fred?"

"Katniss Everdeen gave it to me."

"Oh, that explains the mutations in the corner."

The End

Teehee!


	51. Catshit Evergreen

A/N: Yo AWSM here, and it's time for season three! So news for HPEAB fans: New chaps as soon take them out 'cuz now I have no more tests to take and considering the fact thet in the merry month of may we get two days + a whole wek off of school because Luxembourg is awesome! And also check out Gale Hawthorne Eats A Muttation, co-written by my little sister, coming out in May! Plus tell me new ideas to kill Harry in a PM.

-AWSM

Harry Potter and the Polar Bear

Chapter 51: Catshit Evergreen

One day Harry Potter was walking down a street when he bumped into a girl.

"Hi! Wait… are you wearing a man's jacket?"

The girl just kept on walking.

Then Harry Potter his hands on his hips and yelled at the girl. "Hey! Where are your manners, young lady. Say hello at least."

"Hi." She mumbled.

"Hi! My name is Harry Potter. And yours?"

"Katniss Everdeen." The girl mumbled again.

"What? Catshit Evergreen? That's an odd name. Catshit… Were your parents high when they named you?"

"Dammit! I said: **Katniss Everdeen**!"

"Whatever you say Catshit."

"I am not going to react. I am not going to react. I am calm. Calm. Calm. OK." Katniss told herself and kept on walking.

Then Harry Potter called out. "I thought you were a blonde?"

Then an arrow landed between Harry's eye, then two in both of his temples, one in his balls, one in his heart, three in his stomach, one up his nose, five in his neck, four in his spinal cord, two in his ears, two in his eyes and one up his butt.

The End

Teehee!


	52. U Noes Nutin!

Harry Potter Eats A Bear

Chapter 52: U Noes Nutin!

One day Harry Potter was walking in the streets, when he saw a kid. "Hey retard!" Harry said.

Then the kid said. "Hey! What's your name?"

"Harry Potter."

The kid pointed to his nose and asked. "What's this!"

"Uh... a nose."

"What do I have in my hands?"

"Nothing."

""Hah! Harry Potter knows nothing!"

"Why you son of a..."

Then an asteroid squashed Harry Potter to a pool of blood.

The End!


	53. HHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRYYYYY!

A/N: Hi Guys, I'm back! (complete silence) So what if you guys don't care I wrote a new chapter… man has it really been 5 months since published a chapter. Dang I am behind. But still. Yeah. Well, I'm writing a story for fiction press and you can read a preview here: s/3077703/1/Constellations-Preview

And I'll be trying to post new chapter HPEAB every once in a while. Oh and watch out for two, possibly three stories coming your way soon.

A lord of the rings humor story

A Percy Jackson story

And possibly a Scooby-doo story

I dunno. But enjoy

Harry Potter Eats A Bear

Chapter 53: Hhhaaaaarrrrryyyyy

One Day at Hogwarts, Harry Potter was in Hogwarts, sitting at a table in Hogwarts, eating food made at Hogwarts, made by house elves at Hogwarts, and was watching the choosing of the triwizard tournament at Hogwarts, with champions from Hogwarts, and 2 other schools.

Then a paper got crapped out of the Goblet of Fire. Duumbledore looked and had a freaking spasm attack.

"Harry Potter"

"'Sup."

"Harry Potter!"

"what?"

"Harry Potter!"

"yes"

"Harry Fucking Potter!"

"Damn it! What the hell do want?"

"Your ASS!"

"Da fuck!"

"Harry Potter!"

"Screw you!"

"Harry Potter!"

"Not answering!"

"Why did U crap on my face!"

"I didn't!"

"BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!"

"Stop saying profanities!"

"Fuck off, Severus. Harry Potter!"

"You fuck off!"

"Harry Potter!"

"This is getting old"

"Marijuana!"

"Wha…"

"Harry Potter!"

"ugh…"

"It's ok."

"Really. Thank god!"

"Harry Potter!"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"Goblet of Mire!"

"Isn't the goblet of fire?"

"Goblet of the shire, bitch!"

"Make it stop!"

"Harry Potter!"

"Stop taking drugs old man!"

"I Potato Chiped your mom!"

"WTF!"

"Lays! I has an nose! And iz noot brooken! LOLEZZZZZZZZZ!ü!"

"Are you sane?"

"Glorfindel!"

"Who!"

"Your ASS!"

"STFU AND GTFOOH"

"SFDGFJGDXFXCGFVKUHJHJDFCzhyf vasgjcfxgsvkFGJDHFDCHTGFHGFS XHXDVWSHGüää£!ö£!öäü""""""

"Whatever! I'm going"

"Harry Potter!"

"HE's not here anymore, sir."

"Fuck off, Severus!"

"shut up!"

"Grindelwald!"

"Do you think we should put him in an insane asylum?"

"Hermione Granger!"

"Okay! Fuck This!"

Then everybody shot Dumbledore.

And he died.

The End!

Teehee!


	54. Burritohobbits

Harry Potter Eats A Bear

Chapter 54: Burritohobbits

One day Harry Potter was walking around when he met a little man.

"Hello, Mr. Midget." He said.

"I'm not a midget! I'm a hobbit!" Shouted the little man. "A Baggins to be exact!"

"What's an Eyemnottamigetteeyemahobbtit abaggynstobyeggsakt? Can you eat it?"

"Fuck no, Goddamnit! Why does everyone ask that f**king question?" Then Baggins pulled out a gun and shot Harry Potter in the forehead. "Jeezus! Hobbits aren't edible! Why doesn't anybody know that! God-forsaked motherfucking id…"

Then he got picked up by an eagle, which ate his face.

The End

Teehee

A/N: Watch out for (or check out) my new story, Bilbo eats Beorn!


	55. Final Publication

Harry Potter Eats A Bear

Chapter 55 : Final Chapter Publication

One day, in a Defense against the Dark Arts class, Harry Potter was sleeping when someone yelled. "Avada Kedavra!" Then everybody started yelling.

Harry Potter got his lazy head off of his desk and asked groggily. "Wha's going on?"

Hermione turned to Harry shocked and began to explain. "Well, Mad-Eye Moody was trying to show us the effects of Avada Kedavra with a gigantic spider…"

She was interrupted by Ron who gave a shudder and said. "Brbrbr!"

Hermione gave him a look and he shut up. She turned back to Harry and continued. "And the spider was on a mirror so the curse bounced back and hit him in the face."

Suddenly, Seamus Finnegan said, for the first time in this story, "Hey, look guys! The body isn't Mad-Eye Moody's but one of a creepy guy with a tattoo of a skull with a snake coming out of it!"

Harry stood up on his chair and pondered. "This means…"

Hermione turned to him and said. "Could he be a follower of Voldemort?!"

Harry looked at her and said. "Ugh, no! He probably has a fetish with snakes or something! Anyways… I haven't died yet which means that… This is the last chapter of Harry Potter Eats A Bear! No more torture! No more repetitive deaths! No more short and crappy chapters that aren't even funny anymore! It's over!"

And as Harry Potter said the last sentence he put one foot on his desk for emphasis, causing the desk to flip and sending Harry's ruler flying in the air, embedding itself into Harry's forehead. Then he fell to the floor dead.

Everyone yelled, except for Draco who didn't give a fuck and Ron who was picking his nose. There was silence for a couple moments until Neville Longbottom made motions with his hands and said. "Final Destination!"

The End!

"Really?"

"Yes, Guerra. The End!"

"What?!"

"It's over. That's the end. That's the final chapter. No more. HPEAB is over, ended, complete."

A/N: I keed guys! It's not really all that over. This story is over. I will be making a new version of this story with better chaps and some of em based off movie moments. It'll be like a breath of fresh air. I might even make a Bilbo Eats Beorn style story of Harry Potter, I don't know. But until next time, See Ya.

-AWSM

P.S: This is the official day were every Harry Potter Eats A Bear versions ended. I set the other languages on complete and this one as well. So 1/29/2013 is the day when the old HPEAB ended. R.I.P. or not!


End file.
